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Understanding my Video Game Self

We live in an age where we have everything we could possibly need at our very fingertips - even access to entirely new realms through a screen. The modern age boasts many wondrous boons, but nothing seemed to captivate me like video games did.

I was just another kid who fell in love with the fantasy of video games. I was truly mesmerized, entranced by every game I played, eyes fixated on the pixel canvas for hours. Video games quickly took precedence, replacing the genuine activities I involved myself in as a child. My disciplined weekly kung fu training was replaced with online skirmishes and virtual bliss. The music and writing I was doing at the time were the toys I had grown out of, and were put on the shelf of my imagination to gather dust. The video games were becoming more real than ever – to the point were I could fully immerse myself in a fantasy world and completely forget all the troubles of the real world. When the big confusion of teen-hood struck the clock, the virtual reality was my safe haven, because I was free to be myself, to explore, and be a character I couldn’t be in the real world. 

It's not my place to say whether video games are good or bad. But I will say that in my experience, the joy and fulfilment I found in the virtual world was short lived and hollow, when compared to the satisfaction I was generating from real life pursuits. If I spent that time and energy investing in myself, my skills and my talents, I would be having a much stronger impact than I am today. The truth is that I was hiding from the real world in the plush virtual world, and when life came knocking on my door with it's gang of responsibilities, my in-game character and achievements were poor compensation for my lack of true character. When I broke away from my video game attachment, I resented it for sapping years of time and energy from my true self. But as I continued on my journey, I took a more understanding approach, realising that playing video games was actually the most character-building thing I could be doing at the time. And when I adopted this attitude, it dawned on me that I could actually learn a lot about myself and my future from how I approached the game.

One virtual world had a particularly profound influence on my life, and it was called Tyria. The game was Guild Wars 2, and I was infatuated with it. This is where I secretly resided during school years.




During school hours, I watched every tick of the clock, blisteringly eager to rush home, exit my unsatisfying pimple-faced worldly character and enter my legendary Tyria character. He was the representation of my most ultimate self – my avatar – and my chance to be a badass, an adventurer, and a hero whilst confined to the mundane limitations of high school. I found immense joy in exploring the magnificent world of Tyria and utilising the in-game skillset I had come to acquire. 

My main character's name was Bottz, and was the pixelated version of me! He was my chance to be somebody I couldn't be in the real world. Upon reflection, I noticed that I would always play as the smallest characters - which were called the Asura. I was struggling with self-confidence issues due to my height at the time, and playing these characters helped me break away from those ludicrous notions. With practice, I became quite competent with my character's in-game abilities, and as a result I became a more valuable player. I joined teams undertaking ever more complicated skirmishes and quests, and was a well functioning member of the group, which was amplifying my confidence and belief in myself. For once, I actually felt valued. 

With these characters, I explored the far reaches of Tyria, conquering all that I could, and loving every moment of it. While it is true that I had to leave video games behind in order to cultivate the truly rich and fulfilling life I had envisioned, Guild Wars 2 was without doubt a huge influence on my life, and there was indeed wisdom to be explored there. So I started investigating how it helped mould me into the character I am today.

I realised that there is a lot to learn about ourselves by understanding how and why we play video games.

I started looking into the motives behind my playing, why I was mesmerised by games, what my in-game characters taught me about myself, what I enjoyed doing the most, insights from the games themselves, and how I could translate this wisdom into the real world. At the end of the day, we all play video games for different reasons, whether it is to escape, to relieve stress, or for a bit of fun. Regardless, there is magic in delving into those reasons, finding the wisdom, discarding the nonsense, and bettering ourselves in the real world. 

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