When I left home, Life punched me in the face

My time living in Auckland city had reached its end. I had just concluded a gap year of fully embracing the full time working life, walking away from my job feeling triumphant, and with all the skills I needed to face the big wide world. When I looked around Auckland, I realised that its sprawling suburbs and clustered city high-rises were not the big wide world I was so eager to dive into. I felt like I already conquered as much as I could on my home turf - as if it was the tutorial zone in the grand game of life. There was so much more to see - so I packed my bags and headed to pursue the path of hospitality in Queenstown - where proud mountains abound and lakes shine like cherished crystals. 

With my whole life in a suitcase, I traversed the country aboard a pleasant Air New Zealand flight. Blessed with a brilliantly blue summer day, I stepped off the plane and filled my entire lungs with the abundant fresh Qi of the South - it was rejuvenating like spring water. Arriving in Queenstown was deeply exhilarating. My sense of adventure had reached its pinnacle, and I was beyond excited to launch into the next chapter of my life in the heart of the South Island. The mountains are the titans of this land; the protectors, the wise masters. When I gazed at their magnificence, I felt an undeniable spiritual connection, as if a very beautiful chord had been plucked within my heart. However, it was quickly forgotten – usurped by the big excitement of college.

It was the college life that I was most excited for. I had spent the past year developing my social skills, confidence, and self-esteem – things I lacked in high-school, which had me feeling like I missed out on the realm of partying, social antics and fun. With these things now in check, I was more than ready to embrace the college life and all that it entailed. Four night benders? Rapid fire vodka shots? Late night McDonalds loitering? Count me in! I couldn’t wait to be a respected member of the group for once – perhaps I could be the life of the party, or a friend to many. Essentially, I wanted to put the character I had built to the test. In my mind, I had everything figured out seamlessly, what could possibly go wrong?

Day one of college, and I had already been defeated. The proud pedestal I was standing on was obliterated, and I came tumbling down, together with all my confidence, social spark and self-belief. When the fantasy of moving to the most beautiful place in the country to build my dream life faded, I was faced by the brutal reality of my circumstance. 

I mingled with the crowd enthusiastically, who were collectively embracing their new-found independence with alcohol, parties, and nightclubs. I actively involved myself, yet with each passing day, I felt more and more excluded from the big buzz of the group, and failed to live up to the social expectations I had set for myself. And I couldn’t even find solace in my own room. Fate put me with the smelliest guy I have ever met as my roommate, who thought that showering meant masking the coat of summer body-odour with half a can of lynx. The room was intoxicated with a sweet and sticky odour, and I had to put up with this and the uninspired lummox of a man, for 3 months! It didn’t help that I had to attend college classes everyday in a suit and tie, and with my best attitude. 

I felt backed against a wall, and powerless. I had made some friends, but I just met them and I didn’t want to unload my personal problems onto them. I had no true way of expressing the raw emotions I was feeling, and they just welled up inside, like clots of blood. Worst of all was that I didn’t have my best friend to turn to – the piano. Life was the hardest it had ever been, and I was so lost for about 2 weeks that I couldn't even turn to the flourishing nature for guidance.

I’ve never experienced a blow to my ego as significant as this. But in fact, it was very important for my development. My past belief system needed to be wiped clean. I was out in the big wide world now, and if I was to learn any lessons at all, I had to relinquish all of the things I thought I knew about myself and how the world worked. I thought I had prepared myself for this, but nothing can prepare you for the harsh lessons that you need to learn. It was humbling to realize that the entire model I was using for my life was fundamentally flawed – I was relying too much on my external circumstances for my happiness. And when these things failed me, I didn’t have the true inner resources to sustain my wellbeing. Suddenly, the coin was flipped, and I started to see what I really needed to be working on.

I had to climb my way out of the self-imposed bullshit I was stuck in, like clawing out of quick sand. But when I emerged, I was reborn from the ashes of my past belief system like a phoenix. 
And there I was, in the heart of the mountains, undergoing true self transformation. Months later, the pain and misery was replaced with gratitude, because I came to learn that if none of that had happened, I wouldn’t have evolved into the person I am today. And I learnt an extremely valuable life lesson because of it, that I will hold for the rest of my years:

Tribulations are important because they challenge us to break away from tired old paradigms, and help us step into greater versions of ourselves. 

I journeyed to Queenstown to study hospitality management, but in fact, I was there for a much deeper reason. I was there to truly find myself.