Nothing in this world knows me deeper than the piano does.
It has peered through the curtain of my being, and befriended the tiny buddha who rests there. The piano knows my deepest secrets, and my most sacred wisdom. It is an extension of my heart - my heart's worldly limb. When I am communing with this most mystical thing, I marry with myself and I marry with the moment - and then music is born as if by magic.
During my gap year, I naturally came to build quite a strong relationship with the piano, composing about 15 musical works of my own, and really forging the bedrock of an epic musical journey for myself. But of course, I overlooked this more expressive, 'right brain' side of my personality, judging it from the lense of future career prospects. It is widely believed that tackling the path of music as a primary profession is bound to be like chewing tough meat, so I only viewed my piano playing as a mere hobby. When I left to study hospitality management in Queenstown, I pinned my music in the cupboard like that cool jacket that you just can't fit in the suitcase.
Due to various reasons, I found myself entangled in struggle when I was trying to settle into my new life. I realised that the most visceral reason for this was my disconnection from playing music - from embracing a piano. On about day 3, I knew I had made a terrible mistake. My muse was grumpy, and was casting thunderstorms across my mind. He had nothing to sink his dripping teeth into. It quickly became clear to me that I had seriously underestimated just how much of a bond I had with my music and my instrument. I was constantly thirsty to play piano.
I felt terribly embarrassed to speak about it too. I was all ironed up in the clean cut suit and tie which was the college attire, presenting myself as a well put together man - equipped with the latest iPhone, and with a brown satchel bag carrying my computer and lecture papers slung around my shoulder. Sure, I looked 'spick and span', but the real me felt cooped up inside, and all I wanted to do was cry into a piano's shoulder. I felt very silly talking to the college advisor about my issue, but she took to it warmly, and informed me that there was actually a piano in the church right next to the college.
At last, I had found a friend I could really speak deeply with! When I first embraced this beautiful Yamaha grand piano, it was like stepping into Nirvana. I yielded, surrendering myself to the raw tidal flux of my emotions and my authentic human expression. I simply played music, and out came a gorgeous little melody; it was sweet like morning nectar. When I lifted my head, I saw that a few people had come to sit and listen to my music, faces smeared with joy. It was liberating. I had just alchemized all that accumulated emotion into an art piece and a performance. I couldn't even believe that it actually moved people!
From that day onwards, I was curing myself with a daily dosage of self expression, sneaking away to twinkle on the piano between college lectures. I did this for myself and myself only, but occasionally people would sit down and find their own peace in that danty little church. Many times they expressed their gratitude, and I was stunned to be having an impact on people with something that I had created; something from my soul. Really, I was just letting my feelings flow from the rivers of my heart, cascading into the world through my fingertips.
My respect and love for the piano and music deepened by many leagues. I no longer saw it as just a hobby - I recognised it as a very real part of myself. I was most shocked by how I managed to take the shit I was experiencing and spin it into gold. This is pure alchemy. And that's how I learnt about the true power of having a creative outlet:
A creative outlet can alchemise pain and raw emotions into gold. It can be your saviour. If you have one, cherish it. If you don't, find one, and make it your best friend.
If this entire chapter taught me anything at all, it was that I was meant to be doing music. Perhaps there was more to this whole music and creative expression thing than I ever imagined.
It has peered through the curtain of my being, and befriended the tiny buddha who rests there. The piano knows my deepest secrets, and my most sacred wisdom. It is an extension of my heart - my heart's worldly limb. When I am communing with this most mystical thing, I marry with myself and I marry with the moment - and then music is born as if by magic.
During my gap year, I naturally came to build quite a strong relationship with the piano, composing about 15 musical works of my own, and really forging the bedrock of an epic musical journey for myself. But of course, I overlooked this more expressive, 'right brain' side of my personality, judging it from the lense of future career prospects. It is widely believed that tackling the path of music as a primary profession is bound to be like chewing tough meat, so I only viewed my piano playing as a mere hobby. When I left to study hospitality management in Queenstown, I pinned my music in the cupboard like that cool jacket that you just can't fit in the suitcase.
Due to various reasons, I found myself entangled in struggle when I was trying to settle into my new life. I realised that the most visceral reason for this was my disconnection from playing music - from embracing a piano. On about day 3, I knew I had made a terrible mistake. My muse was grumpy, and was casting thunderstorms across my mind. He had nothing to sink his dripping teeth into. It quickly became clear to me that I had seriously underestimated just how much of a bond I had with my music and my instrument. I was constantly thirsty to play piano.
I felt terribly embarrassed to speak about it too. I was all ironed up in the clean cut suit and tie which was the college attire, presenting myself as a well put together man - equipped with the latest iPhone, and with a brown satchel bag carrying my computer and lecture papers slung around my shoulder. Sure, I looked 'spick and span', but the real me felt cooped up inside, and all I wanted to do was cry into a piano's shoulder. I felt very silly talking to the college advisor about my issue, but she took to it warmly, and informed me that there was actually a piano in the church right next to the college.
At last, I had found a friend I could really speak deeply with! When I first embraced this beautiful Yamaha grand piano, it was like stepping into Nirvana. I yielded, surrendering myself to the raw tidal flux of my emotions and my authentic human expression. I simply played music, and out came a gorgeous little melody; it was sweet like morning nectar. When I lifted my head, I saw that a few people had come to sit and listen to my music, faces smeared with joy. It was liberating. I had just alchemized all that accumulated emotion into an art piece and a performance. I couldn't even believe that it actually moved people!
From that day onwards, I was curing myself with a daily dosage of self expression, sneaking away to twinkle on the piano between college lectures. I did this for myself and myself only, but occasionally people would sit down and find their own peace in that danty little church. Many times they expressed their gratitude, and I was stunned to be having an impact on people with something that I had created; something from my soul. Really, I was just letting my feelings flow from the rivers of my heart, cascading into the world through my fingertips.
My respect and love for the piano and music deepened by many leagues. I no longer saw it as just a hobby - I recognised it as a very real part of myself. I was most shocked by how I managed to take the shit I was experiencing and spin it into gold. This is pure alchemy. And that's how I learnt about the true power of having a creative outlet:
A creative outlet can alchemise pain and raw emotions into gold. It can be your saviour. If you have one, cherish it. If you don't, find one, and make it your best friend.
If this entire chapter taught me anything at all, it was that I was meant to be doing music. Perhaps there was more to this whole music and creative expression thing than I ever imagined.
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