I failed.
I returned to Queenstown primed and ready to launch into my golden years as 'Joshua St Clair'. But the whole endeavour was a massive flop. I'm in the future now, and thanks to the miracle of hindsight and self reflection, I am able to see the mistakes I made and the traps that I fell into.
Reflecting on our failures is crucial if we hope to succeed in future endeavours and not be mangled by the same shrapnel that exploded in our face the last time around. I analysed what went wrong, and recognised my 4 biggest blunders. I was trying to establish myself as an musician/artist, but these boobytraps are laid out in almost every path of life. And so, I wanted to share these with you here as a way of raking up the leaves on the path, and revealing the pits with the gnarliest spikes at the bottom.
My heart strings were attached to my own music, and I never snipped them. I had produced an album of original tunes and two music videos that were born and fostered in the warmth of my core. They were now shivering in the outside world, seeing no respite, and begging to be let back inside. But it was a one way door, and it had already been shredded like in Monsters Inc.
I had squeezed my heart like a lemon, pouring my whole self and all of my zest into this music. But when nobody showed interest in what I had created, citrus sprayed in my eyes and sourness bled onto my tastebuds. Why had it backfired so much? Why had my excitement turned into bitterness?
It's because I was deeply attached. Understandably so - this work was basically my child. An 'artists affinity' had developed over the course of time, which had inflated all of the wrong ideas about my art, and clouded me with optimism regarding its reception in the real world. It was as if I had found my dream girl and fell in love with her, only to discover later that she was not the girl I thought she was.
Through my cloudy eyes, my work was significant and extraordinary, and the people were bouncing in their shoes anticipating its grand arrival. But now I had to put on the Truth goggles, and be brutally honest with myself. 'Significant' became undeveloped, 'extraordinary' became average, and the people were the same as they always were - concerned with their own affairs.
At the end of the day, I was still proud of the work I produced and immensely satisfied that I actually managed to create something. But I wish I donned the Truth goggles before I shared it to the world, because I had already ordered champagne and charcuterie for the housewarming party - but the house hadn't even been built yet! I thought I did so much work, but I had only laid down one single brick. I knelt in the mud where my house was meant to be, wallowing in the insignificance of my work. My attachment was crushed, and attitude straightened.
And now when I produce and share work with the world, I see it as just laying bricks. I don't care if nobody is interested in my art any more - this blog post is just another brick! But in 40 years time, the castle will almost be finished, and maybe then people might be interested. It depends if I decide to build cool turrets or not.
I was wearing fantasy goggles, and seeing visions of myself being lifted onto a golden throne encircled by grapes and cheese platters, with servant monkeys wearing red hats and carrying baskets of jewels. Suddenly, the fantasy goggles came off, and I looked around. This was no golden throne... It was the McDonalds
bathroom!
When I shared my work to the world, I was excited to see what people would think about it. I was expecting great feedback, compliments and respect. But nothing happened. It was like I was on stage ready for a mind-blowing show, with lights and elephants on tightropes, only to pull the curtain and reveal an empty stadium. Well, at least I had Jumbo in a tutu to cheer me up.
It was the wrong approach. I was focussed outwardly and not inwardly. "What will others think? I wonder how many people will like my work. I'm going to look so cool for doing my own thing!" My mind was a hornets nest of this kind of thinking, and when my expectations were not met, the nest was dropped, and hundreds of aggravated hornets attacked! Glory and gold did not await me in Queenstown, and I was stung a million times for ever thinking they were.
I was yearning for the impact which I was not having, instead of being grateful for the impact that I was having. The album of music I made was called 'Melodies for Mum', and it was a dedication to my own mother. 'Melodies for Mum' meant the world to her, but I ignored this and focussed on what 'Melodies for Mum' meant to the world and to my finances. Isn't it so backwards?! I was still in pursuit of the empire, and not celebrating the small victories.
Expectations are like the thorns of the ego - they are bound to spike somebody. And the human ego can never have enough. It has an insatiable thirst for more. The solution here is to put on the Truth goggles again, and see things from a realistic perspective. Put the ego and all of its expectations aside, and nothing shall disappoint you. Even better - transcend the ego and you will discover that what you are seeking is hidden within every single moment. You already have it, and you had it all along.
'Joshua St Clair' is my brand and I treated it like a business endeavour. I had convinced myself that my strategy and ideas were concrete solid and would not crumble. I was certain I covered all bases - I had a plan, I had a product, and I had the ambition to see it through. But only one week after launching 'Joshua St Clair', everything caved in.
I couldn't market myself. I couldn't sell my product. I didn't even have the time or energy to work on Joshua St Clair at all, because I had 40 hours of college to attend every week. My plan failed miserably. And it's all because I didn't strategise.
Back then, I didn't even know the definition of 'strategy'. Truth be told, I was winging it the whole time, trusting in my heart and my intuition. But the abstract needs to be grounded in something solid, otherwise it is the language of aliens. If we strategise properly, we ground ourselves before we even touch base.
I didn't sit down and properly analyse the battlefield. I didn't map out where I was heading, how I was getting there, what the obstacles were going to be, and what resources I needed to sustain the conquest. Instead, I charged in with blind faith in my ideas, swinging and slashing a blunt sword at an empty field. I looked around, dumbfounded. Where was the enemy? Suddenly, a horde of arrows came hissing down from the sky, signing me to a contract of doom! I didn't think this through, and now I was skewered in my own travesty.
We are intelligent beings that have access to this immense mystery called 'the brain'. This brain grants us so many powers like self-reflection, contemplation, and the ability to strategise. These are tools we can use profusely, and will not tire. If you want protection against failure, strategise. If you fail and want to succeed the second time around, reflect on your past failure, and then strategise upon your findings. When you succeed, contemplate why and accrue the wisdom. Always be 3 steps ahead, and you will checkmate every opposing king.
When I was on my knees gathering the shards of my shattered dream, I got a glimpse of my reflection. It was distorted and disfigured, splayed across the floor and cut into a hundred pieces. I put on the Truth goggles again, and was forced to be honest with myself. It just wasn't my time.
After playing through some of the piano tunes that I had uploaded to the big wide web, I was scrolling through Facebook when a video popped up on my feed. It was of a 12 year old kid absolutely shredding it on the piano! It was Joey Alexander - a child prodigy, and a pure genius. It was the last video I needed to see, because it made my music and my piano playing seem hopeless. And I was trying to sell it and actually generate revenue? Absolutely preposterous!
But at the same time, it was precisely the video I needed to see. It showed me just how much of a novice I was. It made me realise that I was trying to launch a business endeavour that was founded on skills I hadn't fully trained, practiced, and mastered yet. And I was competing with people that were masters. How was I ever expecting to sell my petty little 'solo piano compositions'? They were the product of barely a years work! It was like trying to sell a sapling for a Christmas tree.
I now recognised that Mastery was utterly imperative. I had dabbled in the idea of mastery for half a year, but I didn't take it nearly as seriously as I needed to. My skills and my craft needed years of cultivation until they were ready for the main stage, and I recognised that this was only going to be possible through deliberate practice and effort. I still had about another 9487 hours more practice to do! My journey on the piano had only just sprouted, and yet here I was trying to launch a career out of it. Was I secretly playing a prank on myself? Joshua St Clair felt like a huge joke - was this just the Truman show after all?
It wasn't. And so, I picked up the shattered pieces of my dream, and shovelled them into the trashcan. It was a dream that I fabricated when I still had my fantasy goggles on. But now that those were lying on the floor of the McDonalds bathroom and I had found the Truth goggles, I was ready to reconstruct Joshua St Clair properly. Without attachments and expectations, and grounded in the mastery of my skills and a well thought out strategy, all I needed was time. That was okay, I could be patient.
It's quite ironic, because my greatest strength is optimism. Yet, my optimism was taken to its excess, and it ended up betraying me. So if I learned anything out of all of this, it was the importance of the Truth goggles!
Look through the Truth goggles, and be honest with yourself. Adjust as necessary.
I returned to Queenstown primed and ready to launch into my golden years as 'Joshua St Clair'. But the whole endeavour was a massive flop. I'm in the future now, and thanks to the miracle of hindsight and self reflection, I am able to see the mistakes I made and the traps that I fell into.
Reflecting on our failures is crucial if we hope to succeed in future endeavours and not be mangled by the same shrapnel that exploded in our face the last time around. I analysed what went wrong, and recognised my 4 biggest blunders. I was trying to establish myself as an musician/artist, but these boobytraps are laid out in almost every path of life. And so, I wanted to share these with you here as a way of raking up the leaves on the path, and revealing the pits with the gnarliest spikes at the bottom.
1. Attachment to my own work
My heart strings were attached to my own music, and I never snipped them. I had produced an album of original tunes and two music videos that were born and fostered in the warmth of my core. They were now shivering in the outside world, seeing no respite, and begging to be let back inside. But it was a one way door, and it had already been shredded like in Monsters Inc.
I had squeezed my heart like a lemon, pouring my whole self and all of my zest into this music. But when nobody showed interest in what I had created, citrus sprayed in my eyes and sourness bled onto my tastebuds. Why had it backfired so much? Why had my excitement turned into bitterness?
It's because I was deeply attached. Understandably so - this work was basically my child. An 'artists affinity' had developed over the course of time, which had inflated all of the wrong ideas about my art, and clouded me with optimism regarding its reception in the real world. It was as if I had found my dream girl and fell in love with her, only to discover later that she was not the girl I thought she was.
Through my cloudy eyes, my work was significant and extraordinary, and the people were bouncing in their shoes anticipating its grand arrival. But now I had to put on the Truth goggles, and be brutally honest with myself. 'Significant' became undeveloped, 'extraordinary' became average, and the people were the same as they always were - concerned with their own affairs.
At the end of the day, I was still proud of the work I produced and immensely satisfied that I actually managed to create something. But I wish I donned the Truth goggles before I shared it to the world, because I had already ordered champagne and charcuterie for the housewarming party - but the house hadn't even been built yet! I thought I did so much work, but I had only laid down one single brick. I knelt in the mud where my house was meant to be, wallowing in the insignificance of my work. My attachment was crushed, and attitude straightened.
And now when I produce and share work with the world, I see it as just laying bricks. I don't care if nobody is interested in my art any more - this blog post is just another brick! But in 40 years time, the castle will almost be finished, and maybe then people might be interested. It depends if I decide to build cool turrets or not.
2. Improper expectations
I was wearing fantasy goggles, and seeing visions of myself being lifted onto a golden throne encircled by grapes and cheese platters, with servant monkeys wearing red hats and carrying baskets of jewels. Suddenly, the fantasy goggles came off, and I looked around. This was no golden throne... It was the McDonaldsbathroom!
When I shared my work to the world, I was excited to see what people would think about it. I was expecting great feedback, compliments and respect. But nothing happened. It was like I was on stage ready for a mind-blowing show, with lights and elephants on tightropes, only to pull the curtain and reveal an empty stadium. Well, at least I had Jumbo in a tutu to cheer me up.
It was the wrong approach. I was focussed outwardly and not inwardly. "What will others think? I wonder how many people will like my work. I'm going to look so cool for doing my own thing!" My mind was a hornets nest of this kind of thinking, and when my expectations were not met, the nest was dropped, and hundreds of aggravated hornets attacked! Glory and gold did not await me in Queenstown, and I was stung a million times for ever thinking they were.
I was yearning for the impact which I was not having, instead of being grateful for the impact that I was having. The album of music I made was called 'Melodies for Mum', and it was a dedication to my own mother. 'Melodies for Mum' meant the world to her, but I ignored this and focussed on what 'Melodies for Mum' meant to the world and to my finances. Isn't it so backwards?! I was still in pursuit of the empire, and not celebrating the small victories.Expectations are like the thorns of the ego - they are bound to spike somebody. And the human ego can never have enough. It has an insatiable thirst for more. The solution here is to put on the Truth goggles again, and see things from a realistic perspective. Put the ego and all of its expectations aside, and nothing shall disappoint you. Even better - transcend the ego and you will discover that what you are seeking is hidden within every single moment. You already have it, and you had it all along.
3. Lack of proper planning and strategy
'Joshua St Clair' is my brand and I treated it like a business endeavour. I had convinced myself that my strategy and ideas were concrete solid and would not crumble. I was certain I covered all bases - I had a plan, I had a product, and I had the ambition to see it through. But only one week after launching 'Joshua St Clair', everything caved in.
I couldn't market myself. I couldn't sell my product. I didn't even have the time or energy to work on Joshua St Clair at all, because I had 40 hours of college to attend every week. My plan failed miserably. And it's all because I didn't strategise.
Back then, I didn't even know the definition of 'strategy'. Truth be told, I was winging it the whole time, trusting in my heart and my intuition. But the abstract needs to be grounded in something solid, otherwise it is the language of aliens. If we strategise properly, we ground ourselves before we even touch base.
We are intelligent beings that have access to this immense mystery called 'the brain'. This brain grants us so many powers like self-reflection, contemplation, and the ability to strategise. These are tools we can use profusely, and will not tire. If you want protection against failure, strategise. If you fail and want to succeed the second time around, reflect on your past failure, and then strategise upon your findings. When you succeed, contemplate why and accrue the wisdom. Always be 3 steps ahead, and you will checkmate every opposing king.
4. Lack of solid training and mastery
When I was on my knees gathering the shards of my shattered dream, I got a glimpse of my reflection. It was distorted and disfigured, splayed across the floor and cut into a hundred pieces. I put on the Truth goggles again, and was forced to be honest with myself. It just wasn't my time.
After playing through some of the piano tunes that I had uploaded to the big wide web, I was scrolling through Facebook when a video popped up on my feed. It was of a 12 year old kid absolutely shredding it on the piano! It was Joey Alexander - a child prodigy, and a pure genius. It was the last video I needed to see, because it made my music and my piano playing seem hopeless. And I was trying to sell it and actually generate revenue? Absolutely preposterous!
But at the same time, it was precisely the video I needed to see. It showed me just how much of a novice I was. It made me realise that I was trying to launch a business endeavour that was founded on skills I hadn't fully trained, practiced, and mastered yet. And I was competing with people that were masters. How was I ever expecting to sell my petty little 'solo piano compositions'? They were the product of barely a years work! It was like trying to sell a sapling for a Christmas tree.I now recognised that Mastery was utterly imperative. I had dabbled in the idea of mastery for half a year, but I didn't take it nearly as seriously as I needed to. My skills and my craft needed years of cultivation until they were ready for the main stage, and I recognised that this was only going to be possible through deliberate practice and effort. I still had about another 9487 hours more practice to do! My journey on the piano had only just sprouted, and yet here I was trying to launch a career out of it. Was I secretly playing a prank on myself? Joshua St Clair felt like a huge joke - was this just the Truman show after all?
It's quite ironic, because my greatest strength is optimism. Yet, my optimism was taken to its excess, and it ended up betraying me. So if I learned anything out of all of this, it was the importance of the Truth goggles!
Look through the Truth goggles, and be honest with yourself. Adjust as necessary.
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